Dreams Deferred

Have you ever had a dream that didn’t come true?  Have you ever had one that you felt God gave to you and you are still waiting for it to happen? 

I have had a dream since I was a child that I’m still waiting to see come to fruition and I have lived almost a half a century.  I believe that it is a desire that God has put in my heart, at times it has a burning passion and at other times it is just a quiet longing.

Why does God do that?  Put a dream in our heart and have us WAIT? 

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My dream is to go on a mission’s trip.  When I was little my parents were missionaries in Alaska – that’s where I was born and lived until I was 8.  Then we moved to Sacramento, California and my world fell apart.  I didn’t want to live in California and I purposed in my heart that when I grew up I was going to become a missionary (in a foreign land) and get even with God for moving me.  I’m sure you can see that wasn’t such a great strategy! 

In High School I seriously looked at going on a mission’s trip with Teen Missions but that didn’t pan out.  And when I was in college, I began to pursue my goal even more and it was at a Missions Retreat of all places that God confronted me with my selfish desire to become a missionary.  He asked me a pretty tough question, “Kristi, will you be willing to follow me if I never allow you to be a missionary in a foreign country?”  That question broke me as I realized how I was really pursuing my own passions and desires rather than God’s, even though it was cloaked in the idea that I was “serving God”.  That day I let go of my desires and surrendered to God’s desires for me.

But as I’ve grown and learned what God desires for me, I have felt an increasing genuine passion to serve God on the mission field.  And as the years have passed my passion seems to be increasing rather than decreasing and yet I still have not been able to go.

I have watched my children and friends go on missions trips.  I’ve even seen my husband who doesn’t seem to have a burning desire to go, travel with a music team to the Islands of St. Kitts, St Martin, and a few other ones as well.   A few years ago, I came really close to being able to go and just weeks before I was to leave the trip was cancelled.  Why does God put within me this burning desire and yet I am still waiting for it to come to pass?

I don’t have an answer.  Romans 11:33-34 says, “Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?”

Who am I to give the Lord advice?  But this I do KNOW – God is GOOD and His plans are for my good and not to harm me, that His timing is not my timing.  God is at work even in the WAITING and I choose to TRUST Him even though I don’t understand.

What are you WAITING for?  What dreams do you have that you have not seen come true?  What will you do with the WAITING; will you invite God into it or harden your heart?  Will you TRUST God even though you don’t understand?  Will you CHOOSE to follow Him even though your dreams have been deferred?

I WILL TRUST YOU

And I will trust you, I’ll trust you

Trust you God, I will

Even when I don’t understand

Even then I will say again

You are my God

And I will trust You

And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks
I will trust you
I will trust you
and when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again
God I trust You
I will trust You

I know your heart is good
I know your love is strong
I know your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust you, I’ll trust you
I trust you God, I will
Even when I can’t see the end

                                             by Steven Curtis Chapman