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Pride, the down fall of mankind.
It was pride that caused Adam and Eve to eat
the apple. It was pride that got Lucifer
thrown out of heaven. It was pride that
drove the Pharisees to crucify Jesus.
And pride has
been the bane of my existence since well, FOREVER.
I first
recognized the boastful, arrogant, and haughty facet of pride in my heart. It was easy to identify and begin to root
out.
But there are other types or pride in my spirit that are not
so easily recognizable. They talk a good
game and cloak themselves in what, at first glance seems virtuous, but
underneath is really just pride.
One of those is
a pride that is often mistaken for humility.
It’s masked by what can be perceived as modesty. This
pride demeans the possessor, puts them down and declares they are no good. This isn’t modesty or humility it’s pride.
“How,” you say?
Let me ask you .
. . What is pride?
When you strip
all the trinkets and gadgets, bells and whistles away, pride at its core says
what? . . .
“I’m
god and You’re not.”
Think about
it! When we proceed to mock and
criticize ourselves, we are really criticizing the God who made us. We’re setting ourselves up as god because we
know better than Him.
There’s another
facet of pride that is hard to identify and easily justified . . .
Self-absorption.
This pride masks itself in being concerned
about what others think. Caring more about our own reputation, our own promotion
than we do about God. It has an unquenchable
thirst for affirmation.
Lately, this
aspect of pride has risen its ugly head in my life. I’ve found myself jealous at the blessings of
others, envious of their recognition, and hungering for affirmation like a man
who’s gone days without food. I’ve spent
countless hours feeling sorry for myself, wondering why no one appreciates me
for who I really am. I question why all
the good I’m doing is seemingly going unnoticed.
One Monday
morning, a couple of weeks ago, I was driving in to work. It’d been a lonely weekend and I was having a
grand pity party in my car. In the
middle of feeling sorry for myself . . . “Nobody loves me, nobody appreciates
me, nobody cares about me” . . . I felt
the Lord speak in His gentle and quiet way, “Kristi, why are you looking to
others? LOOK AT ME I’m all you will ever need.”
It was as if He
reached down and with the touch of His finger on my chin, turned my face to
look at Him.
Why is this
truth so hard to remember and so easy to forget?
Why do I think
approval, affirmation and success will satisfy the hunger of my heart?
Look
what the writer of Hebrews admonishes us to do, “Let us throw off everything
that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race
marked out for us, FIXING our eyes on
Jesus, the Pioneer and Perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12.1-2
Lord Jesus, I let go of the pride and egocentricity
of my heart. Teach me to FIX my eyes on
YOU. Let me be stuck like glue on
You! Amen.
Those are great verses to keep close. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant. I'm incredibly grateful for the moment I realized that our gifts are not about other people--though sometimes God uses them that way. Our creative gifts (the definition of which are so much broader than we are made to believe) are an opportunity to connect with He who is creative. When we engage in the gift, we engage with the creator. I bet you could say the same thing I say--that I never write anything without learning something about who God is, and something about who I am in Him. That alone is reason to continue on. Your posts bless me, btw.
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