Great Expectations!

I don’t understand God sometimes!   To be honest, it’s really most of the time.  

Why doesn’t He clearly reveal Himself to me?  Why does He often leave me guessing at who He is and what He is doing?   You see, I have these great expectations about God and what He could and should do.  And I get frustrated and disillusioned when I don’t see Him behaving like I think my God should. . .

My husband had a cousin who finally found love at the age of 40 and married a man who had lost his wife to cancer.  He had three children, who longed to have a mother again. They had prayed for three long years and she was their answer! 

Her wedding was such an amazing celebration - so full of life and joy.   But only 3 months later we were in that very same church holding her funeral.  Her husband and her children were devastated!  And I found myself questioning God . . .  It seemed so senseless and even cruel! How could there be any good in this?  

When my son was in High School he experienced an incredible amount of loss and disappointment in a 6 month period.  And as a result, he became disillusioned with God.  I begged God to show Himself to my son, “He needs to see You and know that You love him.  Will You just prove to him that you are God?”  But it didn’t happen that way and my son struggled in his faith.

Why does God do that?  Why doesn’t He feel compelled to meet our expectations?  After all He is God!   You would think that because He wants everyone to come to Him, He would be out and about proving who He was and what He could do.  So why doesn’t he do that?

As I was reading my Bible one day, I came upon a passage that echoed this struggle I was having with God.

Jesus was speaking to His followers and He was explaining to them that He was the Bread of Life. Look at his controversial words, “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life within you.  But anyone who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise that person at the last day.”  John 6:53-54 (NLV) 

Really!! Who wouldn’t be confused by those words?

It goes on to say that many of his disciples said, “This is hard to understand, how could anyone accept it?”  (No kidding!)  

Many of his followers turned their backs on Jesus that day and so He turned to his twelve disciples and asked them if they were going to leave Him too? 

 
Look at Peter’s reply, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:68-69 NLV)
 
Do you see it?
 
Peter says, “WE BELIEVE and we KNOW you are the Holy One of God.” 
 
I believe what Peter is saying here is that even though we don’t understand You . . . even though You aren’t meeting our expectations of what we think a Messiah should be . . . even though we can’t see the Way we will TRUST you.
 
And I love what he says right before that statement.  “Lord, to whom would we go?” 
 
Times without number I have heard Peter’s words echoed by other followers of Jesus in times of disillusionment, “Where would we go?  How could we ever walk this road without Him?”
 
I’ve come to the conclusion that we cannot compel God to prove who He is.  He will do it in His time and in His way.  
 
And His WAY is the way of faith.

So when I am disillusioned because my God is not meeting my expectations, I CHOOSE to believe, to trust that His way is good. 

And I turn my eyes back to the cross. . .

For how can I question His goodness, when He willing laid down His life for me?

Where Were You, the Day the World Changed?

I had sent 3 of my kids off to school and was putsing around the house with my preschooler in tow when my phone rang. . . it was my carpool buddy and she was asking me if I wanted her to pick up my kids from school.

I replied, “Why would I need you to get my children?”

She said, “Don’t you know? The United States is under attack! And our children are so close to the airport that I’m going to pick mine up and I’ll pick yours up if you want me too.”

My mind was reeling, “What’s happening?  This is America! Should I have my children come home?”

I opted to leave my children at school and rushed to turn on the television.

It was as if my mind could not take in what was happening. I stared in horror at the pictures of the towers burning and of people plummeting to their deaths. Then watched as the towers disintegrated, leaving a vast amount of rubble and people running for their lives. I wondered what it must have been like to be trapped in that burning building so far off the ground. What were loved ones thinking as they watched those towers fall?

The day was so surreal. I dragged myself away from the T.V. to take my youngest to preschool and then went grocery shopping (we needed food!). It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop – there were so few people in the store and the ones that were there were not talking, we were all in a state of shock. When I picked up my children later that day, they knew something bad had happened but they had no idea what it was. That evening I sat out in my front yard with a neighbor and we cried together. She was worried about a friend who worked in the World Trade Centers.

That night as I tucked my kids in bed, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What kind of world will my children be growing up in?” Everything was so tenuous; there was no way to predict the future, and no way to comprehend how it was going to impact all our lives.

Just months before our nation had been in upheaval about who would be our next president, there was talk of "hanging chads" and voter corruption. We had never had an election like this in the history of our country. The media was in a frenzy over the whole fiasco and “mud” was being flung everywhere. It was during that time of turmoil that God gave me a verse that quieted my soul and gave me peace.

Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. 1 Chronicles 29:11-12 (NLV)

There was no way to even imagine what was just around the corner for our nation.

That day on 9/11 God reminded me of this verse. When I reflected back on the time that God had given me that verse, I thought how insignificant my worries were then, compared to what we were  facing now and what this meant for all of us in the future. Would we go to war? Would my children eventually be called up to serve and defend their country? Would we lose friends and relatives? What would our country be like? Would we ever feel secure? Once again, God used this verse to remind me. . . He is in CONTROL.

When our country is in upheaval, as it was on the day of September 11, 2001 . . . God is in CONTROL. When we are faced with wars and rumors of wars . . . God is in CONTROL. When earthquakes and hurricanes devastate our land . . . God is in CONTROL. When stock markets crash and European markets fail . . . God is in CONTROL. When we lose our jobs, when loved ones become ill, when teenagers rebel, when our world is turned upside down, KNOW THIS . . . God is in CONTROL!

Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours . . .

Let us never forget the sorrow we all shared on that day, 10 years ago. And may we remember and honor all those who have fought and given their lives for our freedom and liberty.

We will NEVER forget . . .

Knowing Your Ending

What kind of reader are you?  Are you one who likes to read the ending before you start the book?  Or are you a reader that never reads the ending of a story first?

I confess, I’m the kind of reader who never reads the end of the book -  maybe it's the rule follower in me.  But I also love to be kept in suspense and to have my mind racing all over the place trying to figure out the ending.

However, I also love to read books over and over, especially the ones that are my true treasures.  I still enjoy them even though I know the end of the story.  Reading them is like sitting down with a dear friend that I haven’t seen for a while and getting reacquainted.

What about you, what kind of reader are you?

Monica Edinger in her blog “Educating Alice” confesses that she is a reader of endings first.  She shares that when reading a series of books where she has gotten to know and care about the characters that she needs to read the ending.  Look at her reasoning, “I knew as I began reading that I needed that worry set at rest so I could get into the book to enjoy the adventure, to find out how they made it safely to the end.” 

She also gives another reason why she might read the ending first, “I might find it slow going and rather than immediately quitting, I might check further along to see if something there made it worth continuing”

Just like a reader who reads the ending of a book first, we, as followers of Jesus Christ, know our ending – we will one day see Jesus face to face! 

But why don’t many of us live like we know our ending?

Monica says that once she knows the ending she’s able to set her worry at rest and enjoy the adventure. 

Shouldn’t that be the case for us as believers?  Shouldn’t we give our worries and fears to God and enjoy the journey God has set us on?  Shouldn’t the hope we have be a light to the world?  Shouldn’t our lives radiate our faith?

Look at what Paul says about the Christians in Colossea, “For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, which comes from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News.”

They KNEW their ending and it allowed them to live freely, enjoying the adventure.  Was it easy for them?  No!  But their HOPE was in the future and it kept them from quitting or getting discouraged.

Let us live like the Colossians with CONFIDENT HOPE because we too, know our ending!

Living in God's Upside Down Kingdom

“I think I’m going to be sick. What was she saying? What was I supposed to say?” It was as if my head was submerged under water. I could hear her speaking to me but couldn’t fathom what she was saying.

As I stood in my kitchen that day and listened to my dear friend yell at me, I wondered how we could have gotten to this place.

We had been doing life together for about 5 years, my friend and I - having babies, hanging out as families and doing ministry together. We were the only two women in a world of men and we were allies. But our roles had recently changed and she did not like the decisions I was making. We were no longer allies or even friends and my heart was breaking. Why couldn’t we just work this out? Why did it have to be like this? Didn’t she know me well enough that she could trust that I had her best interest at heart?

I watched as our friendship blew up in my face and could do nothing to stop it.

I met with a mentor as I wrestled through what God wanted me to do in regards to our relationship. As we were discussing the situation my mentor made a statement I’ve never forgotten. He said, “What you’re seeing here, Kristi, is the purest form of legalism – she is saying “it’s my way or the highway”. God’s answer to legalism is grace. And I believe God has given you an extra measure of grace to reach out to her and draw her back into fellowship. But with that grace I believe that God is calling you to take the higher road, to humble yourself and go to her and seek to restore your friendship.” I remember thinking at the time, “This is completely opposite of what the world would tell me to do. The world would say, ‘she did you wrong, run as far away from her as possible. You shouldn’t allow yourself to be treated like that.’” But I knew in my heart he was right, that God was calling me to lay down my life for her and to go to her in humility and grace.

I wish I could tell you that our relationship was restored but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. But what I do know, is that I did what God was calling me to do even though it was completely upside down from what the world would say I should do. And through my obedience He blessed me.

In Matthew 5, Jesus talks about what it looks like to live in His Upside Down Kingdom. Listen to His Words . . .

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. (Matthew 5:3,10 NLV)

Jesus goes on to say further in the chapter, “But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. . . You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” (Matthew 5:39-40, 43-44 NLV)

When we follow Jesus, He calls us to a higher path - a road less followed, a road of radical obedience to His WAY.

The world will tell you that you will be walked on if you do things His way that you will be trapped and misused, if you hold to that kind of lifestyle.

But Jesus says that living in His Kingdom sets us apart and shows the world that we are different! The truth is that when we live in His Upside Down Kingdom we experience a life of true blessing and freedom!

The Treasure Hunt

My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the LORD, and you will gain knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:1-5(NLV)

I was privileged to grow up in a great Christian home. From the time my parents brought me home from the hospital, I was in church. I grew up listening to the stories of the Bible, memorizing verses, doing Bible drills (a practice of helping children know where to find verses in their Bible) and singing songs – like the B-I-B-L-E and Onward Christian Soldiers.

I was saturated in Bible “lingo” and as a young adult (to be perfectly honest) was bored and tired of it. I knew I needed to be in God’s Word, to spend time with him but when I would open up the Scriptures, my heart would scream, “I already know this. I’ve seen this a thousand times! How can I get anything new from it?” It was a raging battle within my soul – the pull to do what I knew everyone expected of me and the pull to give up.

My mind was like one of those tea cups at Disneyland that spins around and around, “Why is this so hard? It shouldn’t be like this but I don’t know how to get out of this vicious cycle.” And just like those tea cups I was becoming sick of the struggle.

That battle raged within me for many years and it wasn’t until God took me through a painful break up with a close friend that I began to see things differently.

The day of my transformation is forever stamped upon my heart. I was sitting out in our back porch journaling about my frustration with my husband . . . He wasn’t loving me the way I thought I should be loved.

And as I was telling God, “I just want him to WANT to be with me!” and I felt God whisper to me, “That’s how I want you to love me!”

“You want me to WANT to be with You?!”

Just like I didn’t want my husband saying to me, “Well I would rather spend time with the guys but since you insist, I guess I’ll spend time with you.” God didn’t want me to say, “I really would rather be reading this book or watching this TV show but if you insist I guess I’ll drag out my Bible and spend time with you.”

It was the light of truth that finally pierced the darkness of my soul and I got it! I picked up my Bible and began to read. It was like I had a new Bible, one I had never read before! My OLD Bible had become NEW. I began to realize that this Bible was God’s communication with me. These words weren’t just great truths to read, they were HIS Words to me! My heart was overwhelmed with this Truth!

Over the years I have read the Bible from cover to cover and I’m becoming more and more convinced of the truth in Proverbs 2(NLV) . . .

Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the LORD, and you will gain knowledge of God.

God and His Word are truly a treasure worth hunting for! Won't you join me in the HUNT?