Pride, the down fall of mankind.
It was pride that caused Adam and Eve to eat the apple. It was pride that got Lucifer thrown out of heaven. It was pride that drove the Pharisees to crucify Jesus.
And pride has been the bane of my existence since well, FOREVER.
I first recognized the boastful, arrogant, and haughty facet of pride in my heart. It was easy to identify and begin to root out.
But there are other types or pride in my spirit that are not so easily recognizable. They talk a good game and cloak themselves in what, at first glance seems virtuous, but underneath is really just pride.
One of those is a pride that is often mistaken for humility. It’s masked by what can be perceived as modesty. This pride demeans the possessor, puts them down and declares they are no good. This isn’t modesty or humility it’s pride.
“How,” you say?
Let me ask you . . . What is pride?
When you strip all the trinkets and gadgets, bells and whistles away, pride at its core says what? . . .
“I’m god and You’re not.”
Think about it! When we proceed to mock and criticize ourselves, we are really criticizing the God who made us. We’re setting ourselves up as god because we know better than Him.
There’s another facet of pride that is hard to identify and easily justified . . .
This pride masks itself in being concerned about what others think. Caring more about our own reputation, our own promotion than we do about God. It has an unquenchable thirst for affirmation.
Lately, this aspect of pride has risen its ugly head in my life. I’ve found myself jealous at the blessings of others, envious of their recognition, and hungering for affirmation like a man who’s gone days without food. I’ve spent countless hours feeling sorry for myself, wondering why no one appreciates me for who I really am. I question why all the good I’m doing is seemingly going unnoticed.
One Monday morning, a couple of weeks ago, I was driving in to work. It’d been a lonely weekend and I was having a grand pity party in my car. In the middle of feeling sorry for myself . . . “Nobody loves me, nobody appreciates me, nobody cares about me” . . . I felt the Lord speak in His gentle and quiet way, “Kristi, why are you looking to others? LOOK AT ME I’m all you will ever need.”
It was as if He reached down and with the touch of His finger on my chin, turned my face to look at Him.
Why is this truth so hard to remember and so easy to forget?
Why do I think approval, affirmation and success will satisfy the hunger of my heart?
Look what the writer of Hebrews admonishes us to do, “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, FIXING our eyes on Jesus, the Pioneer and Perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12.1-2
Lord Jesus, I let go of the pride and egocentricity of my heart. Teach me to FIX my eyes on YOU. Let me be stuck like glue on You! Amen.